i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize