I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
