I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
