i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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