Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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