its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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