The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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