Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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