I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
