I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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