she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
