don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
