Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
