I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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