Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
