I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
