He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
