She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
