I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Send help, water and tortillas.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
