very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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