You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
