do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
