The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
