OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
