It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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