WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
cat food counts as protein by the way
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
