help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He did a backflip because drugs
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