Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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