No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
