one might say we're banned from that church
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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