your room smells of hookers.
And success
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
