Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
