The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
