Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
