just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
