found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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