If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
