dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
