My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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