I'm sorry my penis didn't work
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
