you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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