think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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