Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
