i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
