i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
