I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
