you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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