careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
