I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize