i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
