Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
