so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
