she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize