look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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