hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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