If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize