3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I want to be your penis for a week.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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