y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
