I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
