We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize