i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
