she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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