AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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