maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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