You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
