He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
