I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Vodka?
Forever.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Who died my cat blue again?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
