so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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