You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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