bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
