Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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