I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
