Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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