I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
whose parrot is this?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You were trust falling into bushes
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
