how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
