Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
