you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
