why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
