Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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