apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
