i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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