omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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