Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
