Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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