Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
