If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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