I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
