I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
