Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
