She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
