OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you inspire me to be a worse person
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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