I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
