Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
