i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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