just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
