Kiss
Puke
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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