dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
