the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize