I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Actions speak louder than pants.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
